Staffing Officer Gifts

Your resume says you were a waiter...

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

Multi-tasking.

'You know too much,'

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

'These are job perks.'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

Airport Security.

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

TSA Noah

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

Busy office.

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

'Nobody ever before had took much notice of Granny's homemade flour-sack bloomers.'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

"Well, sure. We could hire some Temps, but they only live about ten days."

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

Brainstorm in progress.

The role of administration.