Staffing Officer Pillows

Your resume says you were a waiter...

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

Multi-tasking.

'You know too much,'

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'These are job perks.'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

Airport Security.

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

TSA Noah

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

Busy office.

The Scanner Of Love.

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

"Well, sure. We could hire some Temps, but they only live about ten days."

'Nobody ever before had took much notice of Granny's homemade flour-sack bloomers.'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

Brainstorm in progress.

The role of administration.