Staffing Professional Pillows

"Keep an eye on that Santa...I think he might be a damned headhunter!"

Special Skills? Turning water into wine.

Suggestives.

'Normally, this job requires extensive testing, security clearance, international experience and foreign language skills, but since you're the bulimic ex-girlfriend of a pro football player, you're hired.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

Multi-tasking.

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'These are job perks.'

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

"This is our soft opening."

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

"Well, sure. We could hire some Temps, but they only live about ten days."

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

Busy office.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

The role of administration.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

Brainstorm in progress.

'...And for the low visibility positions we can bring people on board who can, you know...do things.'

'I'm afraid I can't take you to my leader without a prior appointment.'

Targets.

'Brains...brains...brains...'

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

If you really need permanent staff for IMMEDIATE cover then we could pull out all the stops and get someone by next October.

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'