Staffing Professional Gifts

"Keep an eye on that Santa...I think he might be a damned headhunter!"

Special Skills? Turning water into wine.

Suggestives.

'Normally, this job requires extensive testing, security clearance, international experience and foreign language skills, but since you're the bulimic ex-girlfriend of a pro football player, you're hired.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

Multi-tasking.

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'These are job perks.'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

"This is our soft opening."

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

"Well, sure. We could hire some Temps, but they only live about ten days."

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

Busy office.

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

The role of administration.

Brainstorm in progress.

'Tesco's cheif executive meets with staff.'

'I'm afraid I can't take you to my leader without a prior appointment.'

'...And for the low visibility positions we can bring people on board who can, you know...do things.'

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

'Brains...brains...brains...'

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."