Staffer Gifts

After Dinner at the White House

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

Multi-tasking.

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'These are job perks.'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

"Would you like some wings?"

Washington D.C., Acronym Capital of the World

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

Busy office.

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

"Well, sure. We could hire some Temps, but they only live about ten days."

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

Brainstorm in progress.

The role of administration.

'I'm afraid I can't take you to my leader without a prior appointment.'

'Tesco's cheif executive meets with staff.'

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

If you really need permanent staff for IMMEDIATE cover then we could pull out all the stops and get someone by next October.

'Brains...brains...brains...'

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

Sales.