Stadium Staffer Gifts

'Ssssssh! There it is again. Hear that? It sounds like a muffled scream.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

Multi-tasking.

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'These are job perks.'

Washington D.C., Acronym Capital of the World

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Busy office.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

Brainstorm in progress.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

The role of administration.

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'Brains...brains...brains...'

Sales.

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

'Look Jefferson, much as I respect your emphasis of the informal approach...'

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'

'...You push the wrong button, and now, instead of our fans enjoying a fireworks display, we've got an international incident on our hands.'

'Stevens, get in here. I need a few minutes with the left side of your brain.'

Around here it got a little tricky...

"I'm glad you felt able to get that off your chest...now could we discuss next year's targets?"

'And Steven here takes care of the donkey work.'

'It's my spare tire. Why do you ask?'

'Miss Hartley, implement me a coffee and a cheese danish.'

Occupant.