Staff Gifts

' I used to lead by example but it was too much work.'

"Youngsters these days are spoilt,apart from the triple-bypass,five divorces,4 estranged children and cirrhosis working 80 hours a week never did me any harm."

"It's our new simplified work-life balance management system...anyone who has a life gets more work."

"This project calls for real concentration. Are you still able to monotask?"

'I'm sorry. It appears Mr. Mitchell won't be accepting any more information today.'

"Take this mission statement and rewrite it so that it sounds like we care about our customers."

"In principle we're happy with the trust idea...as long as it's properly monitored and regulated!"

'Our core values statement is now official.'

"Experience is the wonderful knowledge that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again."

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'

'This organization has a blame culture. And that's all Jeremy's fault.'

What Bob thought outside the box.

"I want you to start thinking back inside the box."

'Hi, you must be the new guy.'

'If anyone wants me, I'll be in my office reading everyone's personal e-mail.'

'You have three days left to finish this project!' 'I'll take Halloween, thanksgiving and Christmas!'

'And then, get this: she tells me I compartmentalize my feelings!'

'That's what I like about you Roberts, you're not afraid to get out there and take a risk.'

'My stretch goal for this year is to get 52 weekly paychecks.'

"Welcome aboard, Thompson. Brono here will lay out the itinerary."

"You go the extra mile for us, but in the wrong direction."

"If you're wondering why you've been chosen 'Employee of the week,' it's because your work load is about to increase, while your pay remains the same."

"It's all about persistence. How many times do I have to tell you?"

'Bad news, Stevens. While monitoring your email I discovered that you're monitoring my email.'

'Don't be downhearted, Larry. I believe that when life slams a door in your face, it always opens another one for you somewhere else!'

What happened to the project I delegated to you?

'Stan, perhaps you can stop into my office on Monday. I don't want to ruin your weekend.'

Model employee reads 'Best Practice' document ... scruffy slob reads 'Worst Practice', with messy desk and dangerous wires.

'Okay, people... The name of the game is Musical Cubicles! The winner gets to be the new district manager! Ready... set... GO!!'

'I don't know who's cranking up the air conditioning out here, but knock it off!'

"OK Hunter. Go join the 'non-verbal criticism skills' seminar!"

Target setting.

"Of course if you weren't PREPARED to do any unpaid OVERTIME to HELP the company then of course your lack of MOTIVATION and AMBITION wouldn't affect your career prospects...That wouldn't be fair of us WOULD IT?"

'I under-achieve because you over-expect.'

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'