Medical Staff Gifts

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'We're to spend more time engaging with patients on a more compassionate 'human' level...and here are the guidelines on how to do it!'

'I'm thinking of cutting my hours down to 24/7.'

'Sure we're underfunded, but we manage!'

'Dr.Kittle is now taking bids for his ten o'clock appointment on Tuesday.'

'Yes, I fasted for the blood test, if you count the four hours in the waiting room.'

"Stiff neck, blurred vision, and Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, all due to extended time in front of a computer. I think I just discovered the ICD-10 code for my job!"

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."

"Congratulations! I think we got it all."

'Really? ..So when I said I'd found you a bed, you thought you'd have it all to yourself?!'

'Clamp.' - 'So, staff shortages are getting serious.'

It's a text from the patient. He says 'more anesthetic, please.'"

"We don't let computers mess up your medical records. We do it by hand."

"So...I totally botched your surgery, but let's not get bogged down with recriminations and blame. It's time to unify."

'Excuse me, but is now the right time for the surgeon to be buying an RV online?'

"He has a pretty rare blood group."

"Who's the sickest?"

'Careful with this next patient. He's not very litigious but he is a prolific online reviewer.'

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

NHS targets.

'Urology Department. Can you hold?'

'Everything is going to be fine, Mrs.Witzer...'

'Relax. We had lunch during your surgery. That's a burger, not a gall bladder in the doggie bag.'

'Oh great, these guys again! The big guy can't fit inside the MRI scanner, sheet boy falls right through it, and The Count's images never develop...'

Doctor in Iraq - 'I got fed-up with the violence in A&E.'

"How would you deal with patients angry at having to wait for appointments?"

'This is what telemedicine looks like for a small practice like ours.'

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

Radiologist's Selfie

'You haven't touched your lunch.'

Vasectomy Clinic Waiting Room

No cell phones!

Ambulance Paramedic making the 'Nee Naw' noise.

'If I cancel an hour before my appointment, you charge me. I've just waited an hour past my appointment time in your waiting room. This is my bill.'

Out of Emergency into Doctor's Lounge