Medical Personnel Gifts

It's a new government directive requiring us to be 56% more cheerful within 18 months

"The Good news is that a number of GPs have agreed to take action on a number of dangerous 'lifestyle' issues including high levels of stress, long working hours..."

'You realize, Dr. Burke, that should anything go wrong, the hospital will disavow any knowledge of your actions.'

First aid for a choking victim

Aftermath of Battle of Antietam. Carrying off the Wounded after the Battle

'We're in luck...they all know first-aid for snake bite!'

"And this is our new HR officer in charge of GP morale..."

'Been here awhile?'

'If we taped their incoherent ramblings under anesthesia it would make a great reality show.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

A midwife holding a baby

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

Dancing Doctor

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

"Surgery up here is free!"

"Don't wait up. I'll be working late again tonight."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"Right, before we look at the covid figures for today, do we need another sheet of paper?"

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"My blood pressure stays fine, Doctor, as long as nothing comes between me and my fishing."

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.