Medical Professional Gifts

'While you may not be as comfortable with a female doctor, on the plus side, my hands are smaller.'

"All these years, and you haven't listened to a damn thing I've said, have you?"

Cardiologist Convention: 'Our next speaker will be speaking on other matters of the heart.'

"First, do no harm. After that, go nuts."

Urology Department (door leaking pee)

"I'll want to run a few tests on you, just to cover my ass."

"I tried working at home, but my wife didn't like me performing colonoscopies in the dining room."

"I'll be performing the operation, and this is the anesthesiologist."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I do not think I'm a God. God like, yes. But not God.'

'Knee replacement huh? I'm pretty sure Thunder wasn't given that was an option.'

Eye, ear, nose and throat specialist with owl, rabbit, elephant and giraffe in waiting room.

"It's a simple stress test - I do your blood work, send it to the lab, and never get back to you with the results."

Boston Gastroenterology Clinic: 'No, I don't have an accent. I said your appointment was too farty.'

'That's odd. For most people, getting a pet helps lower blood pressure.'

"Whoa – way too much information."

'I'm pretty sure he's been s-q-u-a-s-h-e-d...'

"...and this is Ralph, your anesthesiologist."

"I want you to lie as still as possible while Lyle and I take our lunch break."

'If you ain't broke, I'll fix it.'

"I am not the famous heart surgeon, but I am in his medical group."

Department of Silly Sounding Prescription Medications

'Does a paper cut from a Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue count as a sports related injury?'

'Perkins! The correct term for this operation is transplant. Not cut and paste!!'

"Angina, I've already had that. Can't I have something else?"

"Hey Anesthesiologist! Let's pay attention!"

"I'm afraid it's curiosity."

"The doctor said your cholesterol is a little high, but everything else looks normal."

"I've got to go to the hospital next week and have my ghoul-stones removed..."

'You say it's a sharp, stabbing pain. Hmmmm... Sharp... Stabbing pain.'

"You've got six months, but with aggressive treatment we can help make that seem much longer."

'The Doctor will see you now. Here's your medical jargon dictionary.'

'I'm the one with the medical degree, I'll determine if your back is bothering you or not.'

"Do you find it painful when I get funky?"

'Under disclosure rules, I'm required to tell you I own stock in the company whose