Medical Profession Gifts

"First, do no harm. After that, go nuts."

'And this nurse Jenkins...who we'll be blaming if the hospital kills your husband...'

"I read in the paper that I'm fat and that you've got to sort it out!"

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

"So are the results not very good?"

'Do you remember when all we had to do was look after people?'

'Is it a BIRD?...Is it a PLANE?...No it's another in depth inspection from the Quality Care Commission.'

Gynaecologist standing under a patient (like a mechanic).

'Underpaid, overworked, stressed and sick of criticism...still enough of my problems do you still need the toilet?'

'Nosey Parker' at an emergency.

Dancing Doctor

'I don't have to take guff from anyone. I'm the doctor! Go out there stand up to her...'

"It's her nine-month anniversary working at the hospital."

Thank you Doctor

Proctologist.

GP Leaders admit Welsh Recruitment deal only with a 'Sticking Plaster'

'When you've a minute could you design a new health infrastructure for the area with budget forecasts staffing requirements and job descriptions...tomorrow will do.'

'Would you like to keep your old appendix?'

'I'm counting on you to back me up, Meg ... now, go in and make my complaint.'

Nurse's Union.

"Excellent academic and personal qualifications...but I'm afraid your womb lets you down!"

'This charge is for the office visit, this charge is for blood work, and this charge just about pays off the doc's school loan.'

"The good news is, we've managed to secure you a ?7 per week pay increase. The bad news is, we're going to charge ?2 per day to park your cars."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

2021

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"His first out-of-body experience."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'