Medical Practitioners Gifts

"With symptoms like yours, you could be the next Batman!"

Old woman and doctor

'It's from the PCT...they want us to reduce bullying in the practice or they're going to cut our funding and send someone around to kick out A****'

MD trash talk... "Your mama is so dumb, she doesn't know endopeptidase from endopericarditis."

"I've got a really good feeling about this new I.T. guy we just hired!"

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

A midwife holding a baby

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

Ice Cream Surgeon

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'Don't feel bad — all tree huggers get a splinter now and then.'

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

"Your contents have shifted."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

"The first one's just a warning."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

"I can't give you a prescription for milk and cookies."

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..