Physicians Gifts

'Cricked Neck Clinic' sign says 'Out to Lunch' hung sideways for patients to read.

"I'm a doctor-I can add 'ectomy' to any word I choose."

Surgeon to other: 'First organ transplant?'

'Scratch yourself a couple of times and call me in the morning.'

Lady sees door sign next to ENT: 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'.

"Good news. . . it's not Yellow Fever. Now, the bad news. . ."

"When I think about my mom, it hurts here."

'The doctor will see you now -- I can't promise that he'll talk to you, but he'll see you.'

"Okay, I guess we can turn down the tonometer air pressure just a tad."

'General, I'm prescribing joint military exercises - yoga.'

'I'm afraid you have hailstones.'

'I want to be buried next to a physician!'

'Relax! Take some time off and not smell the flowers.'

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent 11 years studying medicine when your research online seems to have identified your condition...if you were a Patagonian fruit bat!"

'I'm going to try some mild shock therapy - I want you to go to Fred's Diner and order the Chef's Surprise.'

Body Building

The only sound preventative health advice for holiday eating.

'Umm.... do you have an audio chart available for the visually impaired?'

'I don't understand it, doctor...I've been drinking to my health every day.'

Man to other coming out of Alternative Health Club: 'I had total joint replacement - they switched me from hemp to medical marijuana.'

'It's all very simple. You're lacking in iron!'

'If you please, sir, Mother's took the lotion, and rubbed her leg with the mixture!'

Your test results came back, Mr. Fusco. I'm afraid they contradict your tee shirt. ! ! Have a nice day.

! ! ! ! Try not to think of it as an axe, Mr. Fusco. Think of it as a tongue depressor on steroids.

Mrs. Kimball, it's difficult to discuss your restless leg syndrome when you keep wandering off.

"Seriously? You guys couldn't do any better than Frank?"

"As usual, you're fashionably late."

"With symptoms like yours, you could be the next Batman!"

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

Where your mind & battle are los

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

2021

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'