Medical Practitioner Gifts

'I'm going to prescribe something that works like aspirin but costs much, much more.'

'How come when I appeared for you as an expert witness, I was an 'eminent physician'? And now that you're representing a law suit against me I'm an 'incompetent quack'?'

Man sitting in hospital bed notices a Goldfish swimming in his Intravenous Bag.

"Just look for something in my price range."

"Oh my, no ..I don't actually treat anyone anymore.. With the cost of malpractice insurance, I send them all to specialists!"

Leg in a sling 'Are you sure this is the correct treatment for a broken leg?'

'The tests have ruled out anything expensive, so I'm referring you to a doctor who specializes in cheap diseases.'

'It's hurtful enough you diagnose yourself on the internet, but then to call me a 'second opinion!''

'Let's just say that retiring my practice was a little premature.'

'I purchased this for my daughter. After reading about the effect of the healthcare law on the practice of medicine, I want to return it.'

One Of The Wonders of Modern Technology Is That The Modern Medical Practioner Need Never Be Out Of Touch

"Ease up on the exhale."

How AI is altering the GP patient relationship

"Dr. Johnson referred me to Dr. Goldberg, Dr. Goldberg referred me to Dr Brown...."

'It's hop,hop,skip,rattle,rattle. Remember, the second rattle is the difference between curing jungle fever or just relieving the patient of uncomfortable gas.'

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

'Well, it looks benign.'

'What kind of side effects do you enjoy?'

"They're mostly certificates of participation."

"… And, just where are we feeling this alleged pain?"

"On a scale of 1 to 10, how good is your insurance?"

Medical practicioner speaking to his apprentice

"This one has the most friends."

"The doctor will see you now, Mrs. Perkins. Please try not to accept him."

Disabilities and Health & Safety

'From January to May, I work for the government to pay for my income tax and from May to October to pay for my malpractice insurance.'

'I can't take off my clothes - I'm Missouri Synod Lutheran!'

'Doctor, doctor, healthcare in emergency!'

"The Discount Physicians' Network is moving two thousand head up to Dodge City, Ma'am."

'I have your blood test results here. It's bad news I'm afraid. It isn't blue.'

Doctor's Clinic: 6 Quacks, No Waiting...

'Clive has just had a hip replacement...unfortunately, they didn't tell him what they we're replacing it with.'

'Mac likes to think of himself as a kindly, old-fashioned doctor....'

Help Wanted: Faith Healer Healthcare Provider.

"20% of medical opinion may change every five years... but it won't be the 20% that says smoking 20 a day and being 5 stone overweight is bad for you!"