Medical Provider Gifts

Privatisation... a step too far?

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'Don't feel bad — all tree huggers get a splinter now and then.'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

A midwife holding a baby

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

Physician tending a mummy.

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

Keyworker

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

"I remember when we first met you were an exhausted young doctor! Now you're an exhausted middle-aged doctor!"

"Surgery up here is free!"