Medical Provider Pillows

No, Ernie, I'm not worried that these guys are out -of-network providers and that our insurance company has not pre-approved this procedure. We have much bigger problems here!

Privatisation... a step too far?

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

A midwife holding a baby

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.

Ice Cream Surgeon

'Don't feel bad — all tree huggers get a splinter now and then.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

Keyworker

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

Physician tending a mummy.

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'