Medicine Practitioner Pillows

'Take two eyes of newt and call me in the morning.'

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Don't feel bad — all tree huggers get a splinter now and then.'

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.

A midwife holding a baby

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

Ice Cream Surgeon

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The first one's just a warning."

"Your contents have shifted."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"

"I can't give you a prescription for milk and cookies."

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"You have to believe what you're doing will lead to something valuable, even though it probably won't."