Healthcare Provider Gifts

'I'm thinking of cutting my hours down to 24/7.'

"Is there a doctor who accepts Medicaid in the house?"

"Your skin is enlarged."

'I'm afraid there's not much I can do for you now. You should've come in sooner, before you got sick.'

'To avoid lawsuits, we now refer all patients to other doctors.'

'Which one do I get in?'

'I'm an out-of-network provider."

'It gets my caregiver's attention better than a bell.'

'You're very tense today.'

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

Move to end cap on list sizes could lead to giant practices.

Health MOTs will attract 'worried well'.

"My doctor told me to avoid any unnecessary stress, so I didn't open his bill."

'Advanced access' isn't REALLY about you booking an appointment in advance of having anything wrong with you!

'First they stab you in the back, then they cut your affordable healthcare. . . it's the American way!'

"It's from my Telemedicine Man!"

'Is there a doctor in the house we can trust?'

'You're doing fine Mr. Marney. We'll have you and worrying about the survival of medicare before you know it.'

'The doctor from 'daytime television' said I've got gall stones, but I thought I'd better come to you for a second opinion.'

"My telemedical surgeon says we need to operate!"

'We better stay with our present health care provider.'

"The sooner I put these all together, the sooner I find out what the hell is wrong with this man."

Prescriptions Financed

Eye, ear, nose, throat and loans to pay the bills.

GPs asked to solve rising obesity levels..."I read in the papers that I'm fat and you've got to sort it out!"

'Your deductible is very high because you signed up for the Affordable Health Care Act...'

'Looks like you bought healthcare insurance that does not cover pre-existing organs.'

Angry doctor fumes next to a smiling 'Other providers' woman in front of a big dollar sign

'As a practioner of complimentary medicine, I must say you are marvellous for your age.'

'Do you mind if I get a second opinion off the internet?'

"How do you feel about duct tape?"

"In the future, everybody will have fifteen minutes of health-care coverage."

'Of course, a National Health Service would ration treatment for your hypochondria.'

Big Drug Companies Hooked

'Take one of these as often as you can afford to.'