Healthcare Provider Gifts

'I'm thinking of cutting my hours down to 24/7.'

"Is there a doctor who accepts Medicaid in the house?"

"Your skin is enlarged."

'I'm afraid there's not much I can do for you now. You should've come in sooner, before you got sick.'

'To avoid lawsuits, we now refer all patients to other doctors.'

'Which one do I get in?'

'You're very tense today.'

'I'm an out-of-network provider."

'It gets my caregiver's attention better than a bell.'

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

Move to end cap on list sizes could lead to giant practices.

'First they stab you in the back, then they cut your affordable healthcare. . . it's the American way!'

'Advanced access' isn't REALLY about you booking an appointment in advance of having anything wrong with you!

Health MOTs will attract 'worried well'.

"My doctor told me to avoid any unnecessary stress, so I didn't open his bill."

'Is there a doctor in the house we can trust?'

"It's from my Telemedicine Man!"

"The sooner I put these all together, the sooner I find out what the hell is wrong with this man."

'Your deductible is very high because you signed up for the Affordable Health Care Act...'

Eye, ear, nose, throat and loans to pay the bills.

GPs asked to solve rising obesity levels..."I read in the papers that I'm fat and you've got to sort it out!"

Prescriptions Financed

'You're doing fine Mr. Marney. We'll have you and worrying about the survival of medicare before you know it.'

'The doctor from 'daytime television' said I've got gall stones, but I thought I'd better come to you for a second opinion.'

'We better stay with our present health care provider.'

"My telemedical surgeon says we need to operate!"

"In the future, everybody will have fifteen minutes of health-care coverage."

"Is there a doctor who's accepting new patients in the house?"

'We need a health care plan with some teeth in it.'

"How do you feel about duct tape?"

'Is it a wart or a boil, doc?'

Angry doctor fumes next to a smiling 'Other providers' woman in front of a big dollar sign

'Looks like you bought healthcare insurance that does not cover pre-existing organs.'

'Of course, a National Health Service would ration treatment for your hypochondria.'

'Take one of these as often as you can afford to.'