Health Care Practitioner Gifts

'Oncology''Offcology'

An unlicensed acupuncturist

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

Physician tending a mummy.

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

Cardiac Recovery.

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"You have to believe what you're doing will lead to something valuable, even though it probably won't."

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

Thank you, Essential Workers

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

'If you exercise you add 10 years to your life.' - 'But I would spend the 10 years exercising.'

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

'Your reflexes are still good!'

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'