Healthcare Professional Gifts

Vending machines. Junk food. Robotic surgery.

It was a short-cut through the hospital kitchens that Albert was first approached by a member of the antibiotic resistance.

"And that one's for the relief of anxiety caused by the high cost of medication."

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

'I do not think I'm a God. God like, yes. But not God.'

"Exercise is the best medicine. Jump."

'I need to reset his internal clock...does anyone have the correct time?'

"My drugs are interacting!"

'OK, that's two triple bacon double cheese burgers with extra mayo. Would you like a will with that?'

"E"

Pharmacy Closed. . . Chicken Soup.

'Some people find the MRI chamber claustrophobic.' - 'Oh.' - 'I call those people 'the lucky few'.' - 'Ah.' - 'Whatever you do don't think about being buried alive.' - 'Gah.' -

'Look dear - it's a get-well-or-else card from the insurance company.'

"You may believe you've been overcharged, but, remember, you're overmedicated."

"You're showing early signs of diabetic retinopathy. Lay off the eye candy."

"If I've timed this right, symptoms should start at exactly 9 a.m. Monday."

'I'm sorry, but stress caused by trying to figure out your health insurance is not covered by it.'

"Uh-oh, your coverage doesn't seem to include illness."

"Try to get some rest. I'll be in every few minutes to make sure you don't."

I've already got a diagnosis from homedoc.com, but I thought I'd see you for a second opinion!

'Truth and enlightenment are on another peak. I do medicare explainations.'

'Wake him up. We need informed consent for the next part.'

"It wasn't really insulin. You don't have diabetes yet. It was just a warning shot."

'There are some things they don't teach you in medical school. I think you've got one of those things.'

'Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.'

'We're to spend more time engaging with patients on a more compassionate 'human' level...and here are the guidelines on how to do it!'

'But if we didn't measure things we wouldn't know how good we were at measuring the things that we're measuring.'

'I would have been here sooner if not for a wonderful caring nurse in the hospital.'

'Removing the phone is easy. Getting your head and arms to their original positions will take weeks of physical therapy.'

"Take the green pill to feel hunky, the yellow pill to feel dory."

'Of course I'm listening to your expression of spiritual suffering. Don't you see me making eye contact, striking an open posture, leaning towards you and nodding empathetically?'

"How long have you been multitasking?"

'The restraints are for your own protection, Mr.Norris. We're concerned that if you rung the nurses station once more, they'll strangle you.'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'Conventional medicine says take an aspirin. In the absence of tort reform, defensive medicine says MRI and Cat Scan.'