Health Professionals Gifts

"Kung Flu Fighting."

It would be disastrous if I had a heart attack. Would not be good. A new study shows that people who take daily naps are 30 percent less likely to have a heart attack. Also 80 percent more likely to get fired. Zzzzzzz.

Alternative drug deal gone bad.

'How do you ever get sick?'

Give up Smoking!

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

A midwife holding a baby

Ice Cream Surgeon

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

Physician tending a mummy.

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

Cardiac Recovery.

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."