Health Care Professional Gifts

'I think my work here is done.'

"Would you like to buy a raffle ticket?...First prize is a bed on one of the wards."

"I'm going to take your blood pressure, so try to relax and not think about what a high reading might mean for your chances of living a long, healthy life."

'Let's order one more MRI, just to play it safe.'

"He seems to be a bit of a crybaby."

"Your hindsight is 20/20, but your foresight is legally blind."

'Aspirin, Doctor?'

'I never make the same mistake twice!'

'He's not in anything like intensive care. In fact, we're sort of ignoring him.'

'Mind you, that's the worst-case scenario.'

'Any pre-existing illnesses?'

'It's more than a hunch....it's a permanent fixture.'

'I can't help you with your skin problem...I'm going to refer you to a pachydermatologist.'

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

Did you bring your donor card?

'You want the chili? - Have you had all your shots?'

'Don't step on that in your bare feet - my mom does and screams.'

"It's a survey. Are we willing to take a vaccine shot by drone?"

Insurance man taking money from a patient at the doctors

'I specialize in unpronounceable diseases.'

'It's the thin person inside you, screaming to get out - I'm afraid he's not alone.

'I think it's 'starve a cold and feed a fever'...'

"We don't have health insurance, but we allow you to watch Dr. Oz on your break."

"I'm here because I keep bumping into old friends. Like, literally bumping into them."

'If you had to give up either wine or women, which would you choose?'

'Long shift?'

'Too many tv dinners I'm afraid.'

"You started a fist fight in a bar, eh? We'd better cut you back on the male hormones."

"Level with me, doc...is it serious?"

'Enough acupuncture - get me a couple of aspirin.'

'I'm new in town, and looking for a what-the-hell-you-only-live-once doctor...'

'It's the thin person inside you, screaming to get out - I'm afraid he's not alone.

"Here's the problem. What we think is a reasonable charge and what the hospital thinks is quite different."

'Well, he acts like a pig... he's bound to get it.'