Medical Professions Gifts

"Very funny."

Hearse with a 'doctor on call' sign in the window

'What's the government doing about the jabless?'

"HA! What do you know?"

Paramedic Mistakes.

"But what ever possessed you to become a gastroenterologist?"

Boy who has been to the dentist

"There was nothing you could do. It's not your fault if the patient doesn't show for the operation!"

Cardiologists make heart-earned money.

Renewed calls for GP 'black alert' system amid workload spike

"These NHS types are ALWAYS complaining about SOMETHING!"

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

2021

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"His first out-of-body experience."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

vaccine wars.

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

A midwife holding a baby

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."