Medical Field Professional Gifts

Before Climate Change/After Climate Change

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

A midwife holding a baby

Ice Cream Surgeon

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

Dancing Doctor

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

"Surgery up here is free!"

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"My blood pressure stays fine, Doctor, as long as nothing comes between me and my fishing."

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"Right, before we look at the covid figures for today, do we need another sheet of paper?"

'My serotonin levels have maxed-out, my brain is awash in glucocoriticoids and, if it weren't for my leveling endogenous opiates, I'd float out that window!'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"Hm, still sky high. Let's try the other arm."

"Say 'eh.'"

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'