Medical Pro Gifts

"Firstly, have you ever had an appendix out before?"

"It's almost 5 o'clock! Where the hell is my vodka app?!"

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

'You see, Brad, I'm not just a highly polished career woman.'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

A midwife holding a baby

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

Busy Workload Today and Especially Tomorrow

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

Keyworker

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

"Surgery up here is free!"

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"Right, before we look at the covid figures for today, do we need another sheet of paper?"

"My blood pressure stays fine, Doctor, as long as nothing comes between me and my fishing."

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"Hm, still sky high. Let's try the other arm."

'My serotonin levels have maxed-out, my brain is awash in glucocoriticoids and, if it weren't for my leveling endogenous opiates, I'd float out that window!'

"Say 'eh.'"

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"Springtime in New York. Ah, to be young, in love, and probably making two hundred and seventy-five thousand a year."