Medical Pro Pillows

"Firstly, have you ever had an appendix out before?"

"It's almost 5 o'clock! Where the hell is my vodka app?!"

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

'You see, Brad, I'm not just a highly polished career woman.'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

A midwife holding a baby

Ice Cream Surgeon

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

Keyworker

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

Busy Workload Today and Especially Tomorrow

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

"Surgery up here is free!"

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

"My blood pressure stays fine, Doctor, as long as nothing comes between me and my fishing."

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"Right, before we look at the covid figures for today, do we need another sheet of paper?"

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"WHich one is mine?"

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

"Hm, still sky high. Let's try the other arm."

"Say 'eh.'"

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'My serotonin levels have maxed-out, my brain is awash in glucocoriticoids and, if it weren't for my leveling endogenous opiates, I'd float out that window!'

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'