Medical Professional Wit Gifts

"Amazing I've never been asked to sugically remove a mobile phone before. Wonder where he was using it?"

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

A midwife holding a baby

Ice Cream Surgeon

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

"Surgery up here is free!"

"My blood pressure stays fine, Doctor, as long as nothing comes between me and my fishing."

"WHich one is mine?"

"Right, before we look at the covid figures for today, do we need another sheet of paper?"

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

"Say 'eh.'"

'My serotonin levels have maxed-out, my brain is awash in glucocoriticoids and, if it weren't for my leveling endogenous opiates, I'd float out that window!'

"Hm, still sky high. Let's try the other arm."

"We need to update your entire operating system."

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

"I think it stopped breathing."

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"I stand corrected."

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

Mouse is doctor to lions with thorns in paws.