Medical Wit Enthusiast Gifts

"It's a simple stress test - I do your blood work, send it to the lab, and never get back to you with the results."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

Happy Birthday to you.

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

Operating Room Humor. Why are anesthesiologists assumed to be honest? Because numb-ers don't lie!

"Heart transplant surgery waiting room"

"Gross."

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

'Time for your pills.'

'Long shift?'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'Quick, do a background search and see if this doctor passed his boards!'

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother