Medical Wit Enthusiast Prints

"It's a simple stress test - I do your blood work, send it to the lab, and never get back to you with the results."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

Happy Birthday to you.

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

'Time for your pills.'

'Long shift?'

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

"Heart transplant surgery waiting room"

"Gross."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

'Quick, do a background search and see if this doctor passed his boards!'

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

Brian surgeon squeezing brains from a tube.