Medical Humor Buff Prints

"I'm Stuck" Proctologist

'Doctor please come quick! His fever has gone from medium rare to well done!'

'My analysis indicates the need for an asbestos-ectomy, electrical-graphs and a plumbing-bypass.'

"You may call them animated shorts, but in medicine we call them crabs."

CITY CLINIC, 'What do we do in a case like this? -- He's sick because he swallowed his insurance card.'

'You couldn't find a matching pair?'

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Ice Cream Surgeon

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

PSA Banter.

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

Vlad the Inhaler

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

'AHH, here it is! At the next intersection, turn left, then cough, following that, turn right, then cough...' WHEN DOCTORS NAVIGATE.

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"All my symptoms are old ... "