Medical Banter Enthusiast Prints

"How do I get Nurse Jenkins to stop saying 'I told you so'?"

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"All my symptoms are old ... "

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

Happy Birthday to you.

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"I think it stopped breathing."

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."