Medical Wizard Gifts

'I'd love to have you join, Mom, but the medical school I go to doesn't have a PTA.'

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"This will be a tricky operation."

Newton's Cradle Solar System

Sign in doctors office - Malpractice Makes Perfect.

'How about a little smile for me. You've outlived my prediction!'

'A little more relaxant I think, nurse.'

Health Care Crisis table.

'I like to think of the common bile duct as the gateway to the Bahamas.

'Gifted class, indeed. One is gifted in science, but he can't read - one is gifted in reading, but won't even try math...'

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

'In the doctor's defense, there have been no serious post operative complications.'

First aid departments

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

'Thyme heals all wounds.'

'The future of medicine' "It's genomics." "I'd say proteins." "Same as always: economics."

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

"And for my next trick, an evidence-based strategy!"

'The tests indicate you've been exposed to a new idea.'

Doctor with pump: 'Hold on a second while I inflate his ego.'

"Gnork invented the wheel, Shnorz invented the hand axe, and my genius paints lines and circles. . . what do you want to do with it? Maybe building something where you can look at cat pictures? Hahaha!"

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

Celebration in operating theatre.