Health Wizard Gifts

'I want to lose weight, Doctor.' - 'Eat less, then.' - 'I need it to be more complicated than that.' - 'Why?' - 'How can I justify failing if it's that simple, eh?!' - 'Gah. He's breaking me...' -

'I never thought of that, but child proof containers DO drive up the cost of health care.'

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'Is this still America?'

Exercising

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'I have a homepage, therefore I am.'

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

Gerald Ratner's return

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

"Do you have a link I can click on that removes me from all future conversations with you?"

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

Performance Management: "We decided to get rid of the stick and just use the carrots."

"I've got a great idea! By adding the words "and associates" to my business name, no one will every suspect I'm really just one person with a phone and a web site working out of my bedroom!"

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

This is Pandora, our new Content Manager.

'Thyme heals all wounds.'

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

The password: "C'mon everybody try to remember!"

Doctor with pump: 'Hold on a second while I inflate his ego.'

New Ebola deaths in Sierra Leone

Stop smoking,instantly.

'Your father installed a security system.'

The imagery attacks the compalcency of the casual web surfer and uses a visual cacophony of discordant images to excite and enthusethe casual visitor...

Websiteless -- please help.

"To be honest, most of our work involves reassuring patients until nature cures them..."

'I guess this is what we get for going to a discount web-page designer.'

"Frankly Mr. Watkins - all your current health issues are down to you rubbish diet..."

'No, you haven't missed much. Pretty well everyone called in sick.'

'I'm so proud of you sweetie, you haven't smoked for a week!'