Medical Administrative Staff Gifts

"You'll be happy to hear I'm not holding you accountable for any of your preexisting conditions."

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Virtual Doctor

'I give this one about three months...'

'I have been hearing some disturbing comments about you, Parker, some of your employees think you're a nice guy!'

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Obama Healthcare.

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

Happy Birthday to you.

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

"I've always wanted an empire of Distance Learning Campuses."

London GPs could become an endangered species.

'On your marks. Get set. Go!' - 'Come on! Keep going! You can do it!' - 'Yay! You're 8 hours closer to the grave!' - 'Oh, God.'

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

'Long shift?'

'I sense we might be having a problem with our appointment scheduling.'

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

"We'll have someone to help you as soon as we've recruited and trained them. Shouldn't be more than 5 or 6 years!"

Medical Equipment profit chart.

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

The suggestion box.