Medical Administrator Gifts

'Somehow your medical records got faxed to a complete stranger. He has no idea what's wrong with you either.'

'Do you remember when all we had to do was look after people?'

"I'm afraid we couldn't stop the billing."

Heath care, then and now.

Please take a number and prepare for and incredibly tedious wait.

"I'm through playing doctor. With insurance forms, co-payments, and malpractice suits, it's just no fun!"

'The medical reimbursement system is sick and there is no race for the cure.'

"Your insurance covers a warm hug or a hearty handshake from the pharmacist, but not both."

'Advances in technology are staggering...they can spend ten times as much four times more quickly for only a tenth of the results.'

"Give it to me straight, doc - is there gonna be more paperwork?"

'I'm afraid neither your insurance nor your immune system will cover it.'

"Your appointment's been cancelled. You took too long filling out those forms."

"This is your surgeon and over there is Mr Spudgeon from accounts who'll be in charge of your operation."

TRUST: "Are you telling me that none of you knows what it means?"

Patient,receptionist,doctor.

'How can I help you? We offer - choice, diversity or competition.'

"Of course under the new contract 24 hour cover will be optional, you could also opt to do 36 or 48 hours a day!"

"We probably need to rethink our revenue strategy for the practice."

Medical whistle blowers.

"Erm! We've discovered that our list of the 10 most successful doctors,none of whom made ANY referrals last year...were all spelling mistakes!"

'It's bad news, but for a small fee we can make it sound like good news.'

"Are we cold blooded enough to run an H.M.O?"

May we see your insurance card again? The doctor would like to run some more tests on your coverage.

'Congratulations! You've won a competition to be treated.'

"Please fill out these medical forms, which are identical to the ones you filled out earlier online, and have the exact same questions your doctor will ask you later in the exam room."

"Sorry, there have been a few more delays with your results. I'll be back in touch when we get something back."

"I'm putting you on the waiting list for the waiting list."

"Either we score some higher reimbursements rates...or we're going to have to punt."

GPs could be forced to switch IT systems onto new NHS digital contract

"Your electronic medical records were accidentally deleted. You'll have to start over again with acne."

'Your operation was paid for in full except for our $500 insurance forms processing fee.'

'You'll never live to regret it!'

"Not every day you get a health minister in the surgery..."

'Your insurance only covers a semi-private room.'

A 21st Century Oliver Twist