Health Administrator Gifts

Patient charts

'Have you heard about the new Medicare drug plan called plan C? Medicare gives you $30 for a bus ticket to Canada!'

'When we talk about a 'needs' led service. The 'NEED' is to stay in budget!'

"If there was only somebody we could consult!"

"If there was only somebody we could consult!"

"OK, you're going to feel a little prick, followed by a burning desire to sue me."

We may save a lot of patients but we sure kill a lot of trees!

'Unfortunately our new strategic initiative of a '360 degree focussed policy realignment of a core client-facing structural practices' ran our of steam before we could finish saying it!'

survival of the fittest

'Now it's just a case of filling in the blanks.'

'We're able to hold down healthcare costs through assisted suicide.'

Managing the NHS budget

"The hostel idea was too expensive."

'The NHS is less of a 'cradle to grave' these days than 'cradle to being a bit knackered stopping off at a couple of cashpoints on the way'!'

GP surgeries to open in supermarkets

'It'll be a disaster...you've no experience in Forward-facing reorganisation target setting prioritisation strategic planning.'

The BMA tries to look a gift horse in the mouth

"So, as you can see, health care is so complicated you may never get well."

'He decided to celebrate meeting his QOF targets by doing a cartwheel...wrecked his knee and has to wait 26 weeks to see a consultant.'

'Your father's decided to pause in his programme of reform.'

"Rilovonin? I don't like the sound of it - let's reject it."

NHS

Deprived areas receive six times more cuts to public health budgets.

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'Will you raise my allowance? I want to play doctor but can't afford the malpractice insurance.'

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

"When I grow up, I want to go into medicine and help people who can pay out of pocket."

Disease Management

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"