Healthcare Administrators Gifts

The NHS Response to Change: See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil, Wouldn't know Evil if it Sat on His Face.

NHS very direct - 'You have a terminal illness and you are going to die. Thanks for your call...'

N.H.S.Trust.In box/out box(Resucitate/Do not resuscitate).

"...In the long run, we'd like patients to see an accounts clerk, nurse, and resource manager before they get anywhere near the doctor..."

Regulators claim practices are overloaded with patient surveys.

All New Prescriptions Require FBI Approval.

"We've come up with a new drug to combat 'greed', but it's $90 per pill."

"Everyone who's unhappy with their health system is here."

Recruiting nurses from further afield.

HOSPITAL ADMISSIONS, 'For your hospital gown, do you prefer paper or plastic'

'It says: 'Inspected by No. 23'.'

"So that's agreed, we should set up a preliminary sub committee to consider thinking about getting a group of people together to have a bit of a chat about starting to plan a bit of something."

TO DESCRIBE THE NHS BUDGET AS A 'BLACK HOLE' IS INNACURATE AND SIMPLISTIC...I THINK A 'YWNING BLACK CHASM STRETCHING DEEP INTO THE MOLTEN BOWELS OF THE EARTH' WOULD BE MORE ACCURATE!

'So NOW there's universal health care!'

DHSC to lift all appropriate bureaucracy to free up GPs for coronavirus effort

the private hospital...

"Why didn't we think of this?"

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

You can relax now.

'These are requesting to be unfrozen when healthcare costs are affordable.'

No 1 priority is for GPs to call halt to change.

'We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account.'

'Hospitals' monster with 'Technology', 'Competition' and 'Deregulation' drip, on the rampage

Remaining positive about the NHS.

'Pick up your bed and walk woman, for the NHS is not long for this world.'

Health care success #3

"You say you need to open me up again because you've left a pair of gloves inside? Couldn't I just pay for them?"

'It's from the PCT...they want us to reduce bullying in the practice or they're going to cut our funding and send someone around to kick out A****'

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'Will you raise my allowance? I want to play doctor but can't afford the malpractice insurance.'