Healthcare Administrator Gifts

"It's a simple stress test - I do your blood work, send it to the lab, and never get back to you with the results."

"I am not the famous heart surgeon, but I am in his medical group."

"It's fine to discover cures, but, remember, chronic conditions are our bread and butter."

'It's bad news I'm afraid. Your illness isn't on our performance targets.'

NHS development plan: "We're planning on filling in the details later,"

'I hope these make you feel better, because they're all you're getting.'

"There will be a bit of a wait while we figure out a market solution to your problem."

"Laughter is the best medicine, but your insurance only covers chuckles, snickers and giggles."

'...Okay, just a few more items to add to your EHR. I appreciate your patience...'

'But if we didn't measure things we wouldn't know how good we were at measuring the things that we're measuring.'

'In principal we're happy with the 'trust' idea...as long as it's properly monitored and regulated.'

Do you remember when all we had to worry about was the patients?

'It's important to treat all our patients as individuals...this for example is individual number 78/yh5-fg34c.'

'According to the hospitals new electronic patients records system he's pregnant.'

Electronic records will prolong consultations...

Thank you for suffering in silence.

"You can rest assured, Mrs. Wilson, that your husband will receive the best care known to medical coverage."

Take one Per Day as Affordable.

"Are my test results in yet?" "Yes, you can see them on my website!"

'There's really no need for confusion with this Medicare stuff. Page 95, section 33, paragraph L in the instructions quite clearly says ... '

'More budget cuts. One gown per room. Who wants to wear it first?'

'Due to cutbacks we've had to accept a sponsor for your stitches.'

'I'm afraid there's a big difference between Doctors Without Borders and Doctors Without Boundaries.'

'Why'd we deny your claim? I'll have to check our records.'

'Susan, hold all calls for the next six hours. I'm trying to comprehend the Affordable Care Act.'

'First, we're going to run some tests to help pay off the machine,'

Skills and experience held back by bureaucracy and protocols.

'This is the discharge nurse, she'll be able to tell you about all the services you aren't able to get any more when you leave.'

"We're borrowing the best features of the Canadian system."

TRUST: 'Are you telling me that none of you knows what it means?'

'Your insurance only covered the removal of the damaged organ...you'll have to put the transplant in yourself.'

I think the surgery went well. I'll know more when I hear from the billing department.

'We abide by HIPAA laws to protect your privacy.'

Stress on GPs

'Looks like he's hitting his targets'