Hospital Staff Gifts

Urology Department (door leaking pee)

'No! This isn't the place to order a blood transfusion!'

'Hey, there's some clown here that says we got his order by mistake.'

"I am not the famous heart surgeon, but I am in his medical group."

'Well at least your washing up arm is O.K!'

'Who would ever believe this started with a paper cut you kept picking at...'

"'CPD'...stuff and nonsense, the old ways are fine for me, now pass me a hammer. I need to put this patient out!"

'According to the hospitals new electronic patients records system he's pregnant.'

"He won the right to die without dignity."

'Urology...can you hold?'

"We are a bit understaffed today, could you be 6 people?"

'Due to cutbacks we've had to accept a sponsor for your stitches.'

Surgery has sign on wall saying 'To Err is Human.'

'Hey! Is this the way to break up kidney stones, or what?'

'Don't look at me! You're meant to be discharged!'

'Patients! They whine about MRSA, then they moan about our ward disinfecting regime. There really is no pleasing them.'

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

'We abide by HIPAA laws to protect your privacy.'

'We really should talk about how time constraints preclude applying the skills we were taught, to deal with spiritual distress, but I have to run.'

Patient tangled in IV tubes.

'Do you want the regular IV or fat-free?'

Worker: 'QUICK, does anybody here know CPR?!' / Worker: 'Yeah, him.'

"Couldn't find anything wrong with this one. Maybe he's just lazy."

'Where was your hard hat?'

It was only Monday...but Dr Davies knew that it was going to be a long...long week...

'75% of our resources are taken up dealing with the aged and infirm...and that's just the staff!'

"Oh, don't mind me..I'm a little early. Just go about your business...pretend I'm not here.

Hospital gown pageant.

'How did you become a doctor?' - 'I started as a patient and worked my way up.'

'First the good news - we've all got to go sometime...'

Medical students learning how to perform a prostate examination.

'Male, 38, still living with his parents. They asked us to keep him overnight, so they could change the locks.'

"Would you like to buy a raffle ticket?...First prize is a bed on one of the wards."

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

'It's your four basic food groups.'