Nhs Staff Gifts

"What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong,"

'He's worried that the 20% that changes is the only 20% he knows!'

Overworked doctors in need of sleep

we wanted to get rid of all the 'superbugs' but they were the only one's who understood the new it system

"We have to travel a LOT further to recruit GPs these days!"

45% of GPs Ignore Nice Hypertension Guide.

Regulators claim practices are overloaded with patient surveys.

NHS application system: 'Let me in! I'm a Junior Doctor!'

'He decided to celebrate meeting his QOF targets by doing a cartwheel...wrecked his knee and has to wait 26 weeks to see a consultant.'

Clinical waste.

Paramedic Mistakes.

'We want you to take power over your work, and this is how we want you to do it.'

"You're suffering from a terrible post code."

"We need to make cuts...shall we start with the heart?"

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

"This is where we predict our future nursing needs. . . Mrs Miggins is our top analyst!"

"I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go. . . we need to make savings to pay for the locums!"

G.P. Please Give

"I needed a lift so I'm giving myself a clap."

NHS England to ensure all GPs can work from home if isolating.

Thousands of GPs volunteered to return to NHS

In Xanadu did Kubla Khan a stately pleasure dome decree, on the condition that in included some affordable housing for key workers.

Pension changes leave GPs working for no pay

'It's from the PCT...they want us to reduce bullying in the practice or they're going to cut our funding and send someone around to kick out A****'

'In future NHS budgets are to be spent by front line staff...I'm buying a villa in the Algarve.'

"But I am a key worker."

Useless government guidelines

'When you've a minute could you design a new health infrastructure for the area with budget forecasts staffing requirements and job descriptions...tomorrow will do.'

'75 of our resources are taken up dealing with the aged and infirm...and that's just the staff.'

'It wasn't plugged in...that'll be £350,0000!'

'When they said the NHS is for people 'From the cradle to the grave' they meant the patients not the staff.'

'Sorry we've run out of money for meds but I can offer you this fantastic free mug and fridge magnet with our new logo.'

DOH staff rquired to get sick notes after just one day!

"The good news is, we've managed to secure you a ?7 per week pay increase. The bad news is, we're going to charge ?2 per day to park your cars."

London Polyclinic Plan Branded Unworkable.