Nhs Employee Gifts

'The NHS believes in a carrot and stick approach to motivation...'

Hospital: Accident and Emergency and On Purpose and Suffering Nicely.

'My firm has scrutinised your budget and determined you could save a fortune by sacking us...that'll be £300,000 please!'

'Of course cutting back on this level of bureaucracy will require a lot of work...'

Managing the NHS budget

NHS Trust Hospital: Management Team/Medical Staff

;It's the new practice policy on how we persecute whistleblowers.'

GPs Face Monitoring Over Sick Note Levels

'Being able to 'Raise the Dead' is all very well but I'm afraid it's not much use without the appropriate qualifications.'

GPs offerred 0 in pay round

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

PCT performance

'He decided to celebrate meeting his QOF targets by doing a cartwheel...wrecked his knee and has to wait 26 weeks to see a consultant.'

I'm not overweight , I just have a heavy management infrastructure.

Global sum will increase by just 92p per patient

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

Dancing Doctor

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"Don't wait up. I'll be working late again tonight."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

Coronavirus Global Alert

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"This will be a tricky operation."

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."