Nhs Worker Gifts

'We're to spend more time engaging with patients on a more compassionate 'human' level...and here are the guidelines on how to do it!'

'Having conducted a comprehensive analysis of dozens of subsets of data from a wide range of sources we've confirmed that the likely answer is 36...now we just need to identify the question.'

'And this is Mr Proctor, he manages the hospitals whistleblowing support team.'

'We were going to get rid of the superbug but he's the only one who understands the new IT system.'

"Bloated, out of shape, not much use...now where have I come across this before?" NPfIT

Primary care trusts (PCT) passing work to GPs.

Revalidation Will Require Extra Monitoring.

TRUST: "Are you telling me that none of you knows what it means?"

"We'd like you to be at breaking point seven days a week."

'If it wasn't for PFI we wouldn't have a nice new hospital to shut down anyway.'

'Oh! Boy I can hardly believe it...I've never see things going so well.'

'Please become a NHS dentist!'

'Unfortunately our new strategic initiative of a '360 degree focussed policy realignment of a core client-facing structural practices' ran our of steam before we could finish saying it!'

survival of the fittest

FLu jabs delayed for third year running...'GP's are always saying they want more consistency, less change...So we haven't changed ANYTHING for three years!'

"This week I solved the NHS bed crisis!"

'No I am NOT a locum and I do not want to lend you £200 for a sure bet in the 3:30 at Derby.'

"They're having a midwife crisis!"

UK's number of doctors per capita one of the lowest in Europe

Boris does U-turn on NHS overseas staff visa surcharge

GPs urged to take part in a major GP workload survey

"I'm going to look for an NHS dentist. . . I may be some time."

'Great news...we've got your CRB and ISA clearence and the GMC is on board...now we just need a NDA check to make sure that you're not an alien from planet Zorg and we'll be ready to go.'

The Man Who Mentioned Privatisation at the BMA.

'I think consortia may need more leverage against under-performing practices than a loan of you 'disappointed' T-shirt.'

GP's weighed down by management and politicians.

NHS statistician

'The principle of setting higher targets is practical, imaginative and likely to work...but the idea has one major flaw.'

'It's not easy being fabulous and caretaking.'

'The fact that the expenses process is complicated confusing and bureaucratic isn't an Aberration.'

Ambulance strike UK.

"We're striking for minimum levels of service."

Opportunities in Coronatimes

2021

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'