Nhs Manager Gifts

'We agreed that your contract was too complicated so we redrafted it to cover your new responsibilities.'

'If we allow you to use exception coding just because someone is a little bit dead then there's no knowing where it might end.'

'I'm a GP how difficult can it be?'

Emotions run high over NHS management failures.

NHS manager as cuckoo chick.

'Enforcers are SO yesterday. I've got NHS managers to take care of that part of the business.'

'The NHS believes in a carrot and stick approach to motivation...'

Consortia set to take over

'Many of us feel worthless...unworthy of our position.'

'Without management consultants how is the NHS meant to instigate forward facing paradigm shifts in it's client nourishment product and policy integration strategisation?

Curing the NHS

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

Virtual Doctor

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

'It's not easy being fabulous and caretaking.'

"We'll have someone to help you as soon as we've recruited and trained them. Shouldn't be more than 5 or 6 years!"

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

Doctors Discussion

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

Safety Barriers

'We want you to take the hindmost.'

'Yes, I'm sure Latestagrossa is the patient's name, and not the disease!'

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

survival of the fittest

'My firm has scrutinised your budget and determined you could save a fortune by sacking us...that'll be £300,000 please!'

'Well, we're off for our xmas break - I'm sure you can manage without us for a couple of weeks.'

'When you've a minute could you design a new health infrastructure for the area with budget forecasts staffing requirements and job descriptions...tomorrow will do.'

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

NHS targets.

NHS recruitment.

"We probably need to rethink our revenue strategy for the practice."

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'