Hospital Manager Gifts

Do you remember when all we had to worry about was the patients?

Stress on GPs

'Looks like he's hitting his targets'

NHS targets.

'When we talk about a 'needs' led service. The 'NEED' is to stay in budget!'

NHS recruitment.

'Here at St Wadlings we like to treat all our patients as individuals...this for example is individual no 76/09bt-c12.'

'We are losing him...I need more meaningless targets NOW!'

'I came into spray the plants and he fainted.'

'You don't know how lucky you are - It was touch and go! If you'd been admitted just minutes later, you wouldn't have got a bed!'

Emotions run high over NHS management failures.

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

'Of course cutting back on this level of bureaucracy will require a lot of work...'

Customer Relationship Management at Surf City Hospital

"We need to make cuts...shall we start with the heart?"

Hell's Angels

NHS financial abyss

'We've already restructured, reorganised, reformed and reformatted...so we've only got fucking it up left.'

'We've already restructured, reorganised, reformed and reformatted...so we've only got f****g it up left!'

Minister rubbishes private sector hospital initiative.

Cost,choice,efficiency...NHS.

'So for the record...age you admitting that there are circumstances in which you would not demand an MRI scan for a child with a sniffle for purely budgetary reasons!'

"He's our newest partner, we can't afford to be as selective as we used to be."

Health Care is in Trouble

"Promise to expand services. Then close the maternity ward." "When Trump ran Health Quest..."

If Supermarkets were run like the NHS: I'd like a million pounds worth of shampoo, which I may not bother to collect if Eastenders is on.

NHS Trust Hospital: Management Team/Medical Staff

DOH suggests GPs should 'outsource' to save costs.

Doctor with 'Out patient' clip board being sped up by 'Competition', 'Technology' and 'DRG's'

Polyclinics: 'Not to worry, by the most remarkable of coincidences there's a new polyclinic opened just 12 miles away.'

Hospital Bed Waiting List

'The hospital needs to cut its drug budget...Mrs Miggins will be seeing what she can do for the Oncology department with hot twigs and frogspawn...'

'I'm all in favour of alternative medicine, using boiled twigs and chanting has cut our drug budget in half.'

"That's the PFI wing, we thought it was going to be bigger!"

DOH should create a simple prevalence formula that works.