Healthcare Managers Gifts

'The hospital bought 50 of them to help with the nursing shortage.'

'The company health plan doesn't cover surgery, but we do have a guy in sales who is pretty good with his hands.'

"Having concluded a thorough review of your management of the 'test and trace' and vaccination programmes we have concluded that you're a bit s**t... That''ll be £450,000."

'Without management consultants how is the NHS meant to instigate forward facing paradigm shifts in it's client nourishment product....'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

Cardiac Recovery.

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

Physician tending a mummy.

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

'Will you raise my allowance? I want to play doctor but can't afford the malpractice insurance.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"When I grow up, I want to go into medicine and help people who can pay out of pocket."

Disease Management

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

Next gen pregnancy tests.

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.