Healthcare Management Gifts

'The patient's doing well but the budget's hemorrhaging badly.'

'It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets to stop us being target driven!'

NHS management

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'As part of our new 'Environment' policy we're burning all the complaints to heat the wards.'

'Uh, boss...can you figure out why our health plan includes dental coverage from one of your competitors?'

'Sorry to have to break this to you, but your medical practice only has three months to live.

'What GPs don't appreciate is that if you don't have middle managers to oversee forms like the 566c4-566 then you wouldn't even KNOW how many 566c4-566s have been filled out.'

'He made a mistake, lynch him!'

'When you've a minute could you design a new health infrastructure for the area with budget forecasts staffing requirements and job descriptions...tomorrow will do.'

Matt Hancock

"I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go. . . we need to make savings to pay for the locums!"

"Looks like we found the issue."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Let's not go by the book.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'That's our mission statement.'