Hospital Managers Gifts

Performance figures.

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Virtual Doctor

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

Coronavirus Global Alert

London GPs could become an endangered species.

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

'Long shift?'

"We'll have someone to help you as soon as we've recruited and trained them. Shouldn't be more than 5 or 6 years!"

Medical Equipment profit chart.

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

Doctors Discussion

There's Nothing Worse Than A Staff Infection

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

'Yeah, I slipped on a banana skin too...'

'Yes, I'm sure Latestagrossa is the patient's name, and not the disease!'

"Are you Matthew Jones with a double 'T'?"

Look on the bright side...they'll probably name a disease after you.

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

Maternity Unit - 'Congratulations! It's a midwife!'

In case of overcrowding in the ER break glass.