Health Services Manager Gifts

'Some of them are having a little difficulty with the 'competition' concept.'

'Yes, I'm sure Latestagrossa is the patient's name, and not the disease!'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

Safety Barriers

'Remember, before entering, make sure you wipe your feet on the hazmat.'

'When you've a minute could you design a new health infrastructure for the area with budget forecasts staffing requirements and job descriptions...tomorrow will do.'

NHS targets.

NHS recruitment.

First Aid Box

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

Minister rubbishes private sector hospital initiative.

"Your blood pressure is too high. Take two of these."

"Maybe a little inconvenient, but not a single case of the flu in the entire office."

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

Stafford Hospital - Twinned with Hell.

Hell's Angels

'The hospital needs to cut its drug budget...Mrs Miggins will be seeing what she can do for the Oncology department with hot twigs and frogspawn...'

'Why, those little dickens! Somehow they must have figured out that we're coming to give them their measles shots!'

If Supermarkets were run like the NHS: I'd like a million pounds worth of shampoo, which I may not bother to collect if Eastenders is on.

"Well TECHNICALLY he might be DEAD, but accordinh to the hospital's new patient satisfaction metrics he's pretty damned pleased about it."

Wards / Mortuary

Consortia set to take over

'You're allergic to feathers.'

Stress on GPs

"The good news is that your husband will never again ignore the company's safety instructions..."

'The operation we want you to do is to remove 25 from our budgets.'

'Of course cutting back on this level of bureaucracy will require a lot of work...'

Zika: War on Mosquitoes

Health Care is in Trouble

NHS Trust Hospital: Management Team/Medical Staff

"He's our newest partner, we can't afford to be as selective as we used to be."