Nursing Manager Gifts

'Morale soared when we installed the Nurf Basketball.'

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

'What's the view from the administrative side?'

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

'Massive unpredictability is absolutely certain, maybe.'

'When you've a minute could you design a new health infrastructure for the area with budget forecasts staffing requirements and job descriptions...tomorrow will do.'

NHS targets.

NHS recruitment.

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

Stafford Hospital - Twinned with Hell.

Minister rubbishes private sector hospital initiative.

Hell's Angels

"Maybe a little inconvenient, but not a single case of the flu in the entire office."

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

Consortia set to take over

"Well TECHNICALLY he might be DEAD, but accordinh to the hospital's new patient satisfaction metrics he's pretty damned pleased about it."

'The hospital needs to cut its drug budget...Mrs Miggins will be seeing what she can do for the Oncology department with hot twigs and frogspawn...'

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

'We do like the children to have wooden toys.'

"We're trying to give geriatrics a sexier image..."

If Supermarkets were run like the NHS: I'd like a million pounds worth of shampoo, which I may not bother to collect if Eastenders is on.

'We are considering a nursery expansion.'

Stress on GPs

'Sometimes patients become a little attached.'

'Of course cutting back on this level of bureaucracy will require a lot of work...'

'The operation we want you to do is to remove 25 from our budgets.'

NHS Trust Hospital: Management Team/Medical Staff

'Without management consultants how is the NHS meant to instigate forward facing paradigm shifts in it's client nourishment product and policy integration strategisation?

DOH should create a simple prevalence formula that works.

Health Care is in Trouble

'The NHS believes in a carrot and stick approach to motivation...'

Mr. Tatnall's daycare "Just don't kill each other"