Nursing Manager Gifts

'Morale soared when we installed the Nurf Basketball.'

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

'What's the view from the administrative side?'

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

'Massive unpredictability is absolutely certain, maybe.'

'When you've a minute could you design a new health infrastructure for the area with budget forecasts staffing requirements and job descriptions...tomorrow will do.'

NHS targets.

NHS recruitment.

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

Hell's Angels

Stafford Hospital - Twinned with Hell.

Minister rubbishes private sector hospital initiative.

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

If Supermarkets were run like the NHS: I'd like a million pounds worth of shampoo, which I may not bother to collect if Eastenders is on.

"We're trying to give geriatrics a sexier image..."

"Well TECHNICALLY he might be DEAD, but accordinh to the hospital's new patient satisfaction metrics he's pretty damned pleased about it."

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

'We are considering a nursery expansion.'

Consortia set to take over

'We do like the children to have wooden toys.'

'The hospital needs to cut its drug budget...Mrs Miggins will be seeing what she can do for the Oncology department with hot twigs and frogspawn...'

Stress on GPs

'Sometimes patients become a little attached.'

'The operation we want you to do is to remove 25 from our budgets.'

'Of course cutting back on this level of bureaucracy will require a lot of work...'

Mr. Tatnall's daycare "Just don't kill each other"

Health Care is in Trouble

'Without management consultants how is the NHS meant to instigate forward facing paradigm shifts in it's client nourishment product and policy integration strategisation?

"He's our newest partner, we can't afford to be as selective as we used to be."

DOH should create a simple prevalence formula that works.

'The NHS believes in a carrot and stick approach to motivation...'

NHS Trust Hospital: Management Team/Medical Staff