Hospital Trust Staff Gifts

Hell's Angels

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

Dancing Doctor

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"Don't wait up. I'll be working late again tonight."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

Happy Birthday to you.

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

Coronavirus Global Alert

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"This will be a tricky operation."

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

'I do need your bed, Mr. Davies, for me, I'm shattered after working twenty-six hours non stop.'

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

'It's not easy being fabulous and caretaking.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

Evolving Changes in Medical Lingo

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."